The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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