She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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