so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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