i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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