its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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