I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
