Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
