you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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