Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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