What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
