your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
