people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My dick has a subreddit
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
