Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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