Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
