So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
