It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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