Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
