Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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