Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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