i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
