fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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