Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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