Your dad touched me again.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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