could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
