I wish I could punch you in the face.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
