i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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