I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
