i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
