alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
