I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
