it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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