We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I deserve this hangover.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
