i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
