Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
