just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
