ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
