Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
