Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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