I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
