Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
