Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
