still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
