I want to walk on stilts...naked
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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