summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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