Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
