i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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