bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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