her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
