is your mom at the bar?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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