Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
