I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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