I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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