You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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