i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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