Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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