smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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