Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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