Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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