Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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