I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
