You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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