I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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