Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
