I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
