He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
