I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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