The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
