We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
