i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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