That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
